Hi, beautiful human. It’s been a minute! First of all, Happy New Year! I hope 2025 brings you nothing but joy, good health, wealth, and, most importantly, healthy relationships.

Speaking of healthy relationships, the start of a new year is the perfect time to hit the reset button and reflect on how things are going in your relationship.

Have you ever thought about doing a relationship audit? It’s one of the most eye-opening and valuable things my wife, Mari, and I have ever done.

We actually got the idea from a Mel Robbins podcast episode titled, How to Make Next Year Your Best Year Ever: Ask Yourself These 7 Questions. After we tried it, we realized it was a total game-changer for our relationship. So today, I’m sharing this idea with you because it’s just too good to keep to myself.

Why a Relationship Audit Matters

Let’s be real: most of us don’t regularly pause to reflect on our relationships. Life gets busy, conflicts get swept under the rug, and good moments often go unnoticed. But here’s the thing—if you don’t know what’s working and what’s not, how can you grow as a couple?

A relationship audit is like taking your car in for a tune-up. It’s not about pointing fingers or assigning blame; it’s about checking in, celebrating what’s going well, and making small adjustments to keep things running smoothly. Mari and I found that even the simple act of sitting down together and asking intentional questions brought us closer.

How to Do a Relationship Audit

Doing a relationship audit might sound intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be! Here’s how to make it easy and effective:

Step 1: Set the Stage

Find a time when both of you can sit down uninterrupted. Maybe after the kids are asleep or on a lazy Sunday morning with coffee. Create a calm, relaxed environment. I suggest you write down your answers individually first, then share them with each other.

Step 2: Ask the Right Questions

Here’s the exact list of questions Mari and I used during our audit. Feel free to tweak them to suit your relationship:

What Worked Well Last Year?

• What were the highlights of our relationship this year?
• What moments made you feel most loved and supported?
• What habits or routines brought us closer?

What Could Have Been Better?

• Were there any recurring conflicts or issues we didn’t resolve well?
• Are there ways we unintentionally hurt or misunderstood each other?
• What did we neglect in our relationship that deserves more attention?

How Did We Handle Conflict?

• Did we approach disagreements in a healthy, constructive way?
• Was there a time we let conflict linger or avoided it altogether?
• What can we do differently to resolve disagreements better?

How Did We Show Up for Each Other?

• Did we express appreciation and gratitude enough?
• Were there times we could have been more present or attentive?
• What’s one thing you wish I had done more often?

How Can We Improve in 2025?

• What’s one area of our relationship you’d like to focus on this year?
• How can we prioritize quality time together?
• What’s one thing I can do to make you feel more loved and supported?

What Are Our Goals as a Couple?

• What do we want to achieve together this year?
• How can we better support each other’s individual dreams and goals?
• Are there new experiences or traditions we want to create?

What Can We Let Go Of?

• Are there habits, assumptions, or resentments we’re holding onto that no longer serve us?
• How can we release old patterns and start fresh?

Step 3: Handle Tough Conversations with Care

Some of these questions might bring up unresolved issues or touch on sensitive topics. That’s okay—growth often starts with discomfort. If things feel too overwhelming, take a break and revisit them later. Remember, this isn’t about being perfect; it’s about showing up and trying.

7 Resolutions for an Emotionally Healthy Relationship in 2025

If the idea of a relationship audit feels like too much right now, here are seven resolutions you can start with to create a healthier, more connected relationship:

Communicate to Connect, Not to Win

Approach conversations with curiosity and empathy instead of defensiveness or the need to be right. For years, I approached disagreements like debates, trying to prove my point. When I started listening to Mari with the goal of understanding her, everything changed.

Practice Gratitude Daily

Take time to acknowledge and express appreciation for the little things your partner does. I love it when Mari thanks me for making dinner. Even though I enjoy cooking, the daily task of figuring out what to make can feel tedious. Her appreciation reminds me that my effort is seen and valued—it means the world to me.

Take Responsibility for Your Triggers

Recognize when your emotional reactions stem from past wounds or insecurities. For me, this meant acknowledging my anxious attachment style and being open about needing reassurance, instead of projecting frustration onto Mari or accusing her of not prioritizing me.

Schedule Regular Check-Ins

Make time weekly to discuss how you’re both feeling in the relationship. These check-ins have been a lifesaver for us. They keep small issues from becoming big problems.

Create a Safe Space for Vulnerability

Foster an environment where both of you feel safe to share feelings, fears, and dreams without fear of judgment or rejection. This was a huge shift for us, especially when Mari (avoidant) started sharing things she’d never felt comfortable saying before.

Repair Quickly After Arguments

Don’t let resentment build. Focus on resolution and reconnection after disagreements. Even if it’s just saying, “I’m sorry for how I made you feel,” it’s a step toward healing.

Invest in Emotional Intimacy

Go beyond day-to-day logistics. Talk about your dreams, fears, and what love means to you. These deeper conversations have strengthened our relationship more than anything else.

What If Resolutions Feel Hard?

If these resolutions feel overwhelming or if you’re struggling to implement them, that’s totally okay. Change takes time and effort. This is why I created The Couples Communication Handbook. It’s a step-by-step guide to breaking negative communication patterns, having meaningful conversations, and building a stronger connection. More than 8000 couples have already seen results, and you can too. (Now also available on Amazon)

A Note on Emotional Health

A healthy relationship isn’t just about love—it’s about emotional safety, trust, and connection. When those are in place, everything else—from your mental health to tackling life’s challenges—feels a little easier. Prioritizing emotional health has been one of the best decisions we’ve ever made as a couple.

What Are Your Relationship Goals for 2025?

2025 is a blank slate. It’s your chance to create the kind of relationship you’ve always wanted. Whether you’re starting with a relationship audit, one of the resolutions, or simply a commitment to show up for each other, every step counts.

I’d love to hear from you: What’s one thing you and your partner want to work on this year? Share your resolution in the comments!

If you’re ready to dive deeper into building a stronger connection, grab your copy of The Couples Communication Handbook today. Let’s make 2025 the year your relationship thrives.